‘I Know Too Much’ by Aliesha Bannister
print on paper32 x 44.5 cm
‘I Know Too Much’ is a poem written by Aliesha Bannister. It’s printed on 200gsm mixed media (textured) paper, and mounted in a quality wooden-look veneer frame.
The frame can be wall hung (A3 size).
Poem:
i used to be fun
back when things seemed easier
when my world seemed like the whole world,
and i didn’t know much about issues
outside those known spaces.
i knew to giggle and laugh
i knew to not have an opinion on matters
that went against the grain
i knew to get drunk and be fun and crazy.
i wasn’t political
and thought that women
with opinions
that went against the grain
were just making their own life harder.
it’s clear
this version of me is gone.
the carefree self-oriented me
is gone
and although
sometimes
i miss the carefreeness,
that outfit no longer fits.
it’s too small…
in size, mindedness and awareness.
i can’t be carefree in my world
and simply dismiss the pain and chaos
our way of life contributes to.
so forgive me
if i can’t laugh at the same things anymore
to appease your needs
or discomfort –
i know too much.
and although i’ve never met them
my heart has broken a thousand times
over
and over
and over again
for people in places you and i will never go.
my heart breaks
for people in places i do go also
because we too are not as we should be.
we might have laughed
we might have felt carefree
seeking attention
causing trouble
laughing loudly
entertaining folks…
but was our place in the world really valued?
did the people around us really care?
or was our externalised behaviour
a way to say fuck you to how society wanted us to be?
a way to fight back from within a system
that didn’t respect us
(whether we knew it or not)
but we just couldn’t see the actual way out?
i suppose i’m still me –
just a different me.
i will still laugh,
i do still laugh,
just not at the same things i used to.
i’ve connected too many dots,
and seen the depth and effects of the many poison threads
woven into this global tapestry.
as such, and quite frankly (my dear),
i do give a damn
i want better for us all.
i know too much
so please forgive me
if some of my fun
is now replaced with fight.
ab.
